Global Annihilation Security Project

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Extra-Terrestrial Threat Squashed at 2017 Super Bowl



The Super Bowl is that exciting, annual celebration of friendly competition and family fun that reminds us of what’s best about our society. This year’s event was no different, with twists and turns, good food, fun commercials, and the first overtime in Super Bowl history.

But while spectators at home and in the crowd alike marveled over athletic achievements, a dark storm struck in the middle of the game.

The halftime show was interrupted by what appeared to be an extra-terrestrial being, flying into the stadium and leaving viewers shocked and mesmerized. Cloaked in sequins, with glittery skin that she shed on stage, this alien, known only as “Gaga”, hypnotized the crowd with strange music and wild movements.

The event was on the verge of catastrophe. Lulled into a trance-like state of euphoria, the crowd was paralyzed as Gaga’s lyrics revealed her sinister intention to invade our planet and make it her own:

“Nobody living can ever stop me, / As I go walking that freedom highway; / Nobody living can ever make me turn back / This land was made for me.”

Thanks to the quick actions of GASP personnel who were on hand securing the event (and wearing earplugs), the alien was apprehended, and the crowds released from her siren song.

No word yet on whether this Gaga was acting alone, or as part of a larger cell. So on the safe side, be sure to avoid all glittery individuals in the coming days.

In other news, robot Tom Brady’s halftime upgrade blew us all out of the water, as he helped his teammates come from behind to clinch victory. Thanks to the brilliant engineers behind Brady 5.0 who made this Super Bowl an event worth watching.


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